apparently i have no mood to write something since i think everybody's spying on me, or at least sibuk jaga my tepi kain. wtf.

back to jobless now, i feel more relieved. coz ive been contemplating to work there since i got the job. hope ill get a better offer later.

or maybe cont my studies.. masters maybe. speaking of which, there'd be a postgrad edu fair next month, cant wait to go. i need to consult with someone regarding master progs.

ah. crapness. going back to penang tonite. will be back next week. now i can CUTI like nobody's business, i need not apply for MC, nor annual leave anymore :p

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as of 25th of January 2006,
im jobless.
nuff said.

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ok lets see..
i feel like listing down each and everyone of my frens who r getting married / engaged / already engaged this year.

january
- bilut n partner (engaged, kawin bulan 5 or 6)
- khalid n partner (engaged, kawin 28/5)
- salman n maya (28/1 tunang, kawin 25/8)
- awin n partner (29/1 kawin)
- madzrina n partner (29/1 kawin)
- cousin: asrul n partner (30/1, kawin)

februari
- bedah n partner (kawin 25/2)

march
- jerah n ayman (engaged, kawin 12/3)

ok tu je yg ingat. yg lain2 takde kabar berita lagi. rasanya sekarang mmg musim kawin. ye lah kan umur dah 24. shit!

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as expected, i didnt go to work yesterday. i wasnt THAT sick in the morning though, i felt slightly sick. so i made that as an excuse to not to go to work. few hrs later, i got really sick. my body temp was friggin high, and my head started to spin. wheeeeeeeee!!

mak and abah got back around 12pm. mak bought food for lunch, but i didnt feel like eating at all. i was sleeping when they got home anyways. i cud barely talk or even wave my hands. damn. abah woke me up at 3pm and brought me to see doc.

so i met dr. johari. johari or something. he said my body temp was 39. thats friggin high innit? he told me to rest and i got one day MC. hehe.

bought mcd's chicken porridge and went back home. still tak lalu makan but i forced myself to eat. ive to fill me tummy. amazingly, i managed to swallow all the medicines. haha. then the ubat batuk started to kick in. lalok nak mampus. i slept from 6pm til 3am the next day. and i think i gotta go to work later. its already 4am in the morning. :(

can i just stay at home and do nothing today? sigh..

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oh damn. now everyone in the marketing team having running nose. now my nose is running here and there without noticing me first. if u know what i mean; air hidung meleleh. i had to stuck a tissue inside my nose to prevent from the air hidung flowing down to my mouth. my boss and a colleague saw me doing that and they laughed. sheesh! :(

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oh yeah i indulged my tummy with a pinggan of choc pancake. i cant recall the exact name though, but it was one helluva pancake ive ever eaten! haha.

amir called around 12, and i was still asleep. hehe. pardon me, i slept at 3 am the night before. i had no plan in the evening, so he suggested we go somewhere. btw finding nice food wasnt in the agenda haha.

i wanted to go to plaza damas, and there we were, passing by each and every boring kedai like nobody's business. the place was quite empty and the shops werent that inviting. ok fine.

as we were walking aimlessly, i saw a standing mobile with tempting pancake pictures. oh god. its the infamous "paddington pancake restaurant" or something. then the memories of me and me parents (with ikram of course) having the yummy banana pancake with buterscotch syrup in sydney 3 yrs back started to appear in me head. damn!!

tetiba lapar nak mampus. amir was already hungry the moment we arrived. haha. oh. saat ditunggu telah tiba. we looked at each other and i asked him "nak makan tak?" amir replied "amir takde hal, mmg lapar dah ni haha"

oh. knowing him. he's "the tiger-on-the-prowl". always the TAK APA TAKDE HAL one. greatness! :D

i dunno how many times we flipped thru the menu. i think it took us around 15 mins until we finally decide what we wanted to eat. to cut it short, i ordered choc pancake with belgian choc and peanut butter whatever the name is. it surely sounds delicious huh? haha. amir ordered something pancake, i cant recall the name. but his pancake was somewhat savoury, and mine was dessert-like pancake.

i only had a roll, me tummy cudnt take the full portion. i was sugar-high and amir 'cleaned up' my pinggan. haha. "see the tummy la", bak kata amir. we went back with perut tersenyum and mata berat. kenyang yang amat!

one thing i know for sure imma be there again some other day, i really want to taste all the food in the menu! hehe. yummy-to-the-tummy!

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ive got a suprise call from midot the other day, during raya haji. its been quite some time since i last heard from her. me mommy used to meet her at PARAM KJ, not me.
she was (and still) studying in UNITAR anyways, thats why we can always spot her in KJ heheh.

i really missed her. not just her. bedah, noorena, yon, murni and others. how time flies. we were in the same class for 3 yrs since form 1 and weve been really good friends since then. but we went to different school after PMR and distance did us apart. me and murni went to KI in klang, and those girls went to TI penang.

i seldom heard from them since i left. i was busy making new friends at the new school, and i bet they were also busy moving on with their lives back then. bedah is my second cousin. she is somehow related to me from both sides; mom and dad.

again, midah aka midot called me this evening, and told me that bedah was at her place. she invited me to come over her place, which is like 5 mins from me sis place. i was doing nothing when she called (btw i just got back from submitting my final asgmt of my study years when midot called hehe). i asked abah to drop me at her place.

there was i, at midot's place. how time flies, but midot looks the same. and bedah was there too, she's getting chubbier and as bubbly as always. i really miss them! we chatted like theres no tomorrow, and yon came around 9pm. my gawd, the last time i saw her was in 1997!! she looks the same but a lil bit skinnier. its been almost 10 yrs and they are all getting married except me and midot.. but at least she got a steady bf. and fuck it, im the one who's single and ebelebel! damn!

midot took out all the photo albums and we had a good laugh looking at each other's old pics haha. damn, how i wish i cud meet all of my exclassmates now. i wonder what theyre doing now. sigh.. i wish they still remember me though. i hope i can see them again sometimes :)

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yesterday's interview was the most HORROR-est interview ive ever been
i came sharp at 2, and a girl entertained me. her name was ICE. uh wut a name. she then brought me to a tiny little room and left me alone there.
she handed me 3 pieces of paper and i had to do 3 tests; iq test, maths test and an essay entitled "an introduction to malaysia".

i finished doing all the tests at 330pm. and i waited for her for one friggin hour. i called her up, asking whether someone's coming to see me or not. she nodded.
ok fine. her superior came and introduced herself as Annie. i remember her. ive emailed her my resume the other day. she seems nice. she asked me to wait for another 30 minutes for the director to come. he was on his way from TV3. and it was already 5 fuckin pm. damn! annie asked me to go to KFC and haf some drink. and i really went to KFC later. haha. buduh.

i was having a drink at KFC when annie called. she said the director was already in. ok then. i headed back to their office. there was i, sitting alone and being interviewed by 3 person, including the director.
the interview was quite an intense. they asked me to introduce myself.
i said i love pyshotic movies.
"name us a few. or do u love those scary hands with long nails sorta movie?"

i said "no. its not psychotic movies. its horror movies."

"so do u love the matrix? isnt it psychological sorta movie?"

i said "no. i think its more towards philosophical"

haha.

so they asked me whats my jobscope like at marcus evans, and they really wonder why i wanna become a market researcher. i said its very similar to advertising. (oh ye hentam saja).

he wanted to see my cd portfolio. i showed him the artworks that ive done. he said i can do graphics very well, so why didnt i just become a graphic designer. (aduh bencila).

i said "its not something that i want to do, its very interesting, and that is why i learnt advertising, but i think i can not excel in graphic design. i want to do something else, challenge myself"

he argued "so why didnt u take other courses in the first place?"
ok aku tak larat nak jawab dah. i cant recall what i answered.

and he said "so ur saying to become a doctor, one doesnt need to train himself?"
(wut the hell)

i said "of course one needs to train him/herself to become a doctor or she cant become one"
this guy really FONCUSED me! :(

so this lady ANNIE asked "u told us just now that u hated advertising, then why did u take the course?"

i answered "i never said i hated advertising. i love advertising. its just that i dont want to do graphics anymore, i hate to sit in front of the pc for long hours"

the director asked "we also work for long hours in front of the pc, 4-5 hours per day. btw i saw your video its very interesting, so if i want u to do a video presentation, can u do it for me?"
(laki ni mesti taktau kerja video editor camne!!)

"im not here for the position of video editor nor graphic designer. im here for the position of assistant researcher." (haha menjawab!)

"so are you religious?" oh god! he saw me pic not wearing tudung in the cd portfolio, and he said "u look good here". wtf.

"it really depends on how you define religious. for me its really up to one person". thats what i told him.

"yeah i know, the question is not for the job, it was just a personal question" (okkkkkk!!)

"so have u been interviewed before?"

i said "yeah i went to JWT last week and a fren told me no tudung in JWT or O&M"

then the director asked "lets say a job requires u to take off your tudung, would u?"

"no. i wont" i told him.

"so u have your principles" (duh lagi).

i said i wanted the job because i love to know people's behaviour and how people react towards branding and marketing. yes, to tell u the truth, i really2 love that. i even told one of the interviewers that its for my personal studies as well.. as i love to study about people.

the director saw my spm result, i got a C3 for maths. i said i hated maths. STUPID ME! he said its still better than his result. i said OK.
i think he was already confused with me. he asked me "so where do u see urself in 5 yrs time?" <--- i fuckin hate this question anyways :(

i answered him (and i almost fumbled)
"i want to lead a group of people doing a project. say a brand A, wants to do a revamp for its branding, and that is when i manage the group to do market research, bla bla"

he said the company doesnt have the job that can make me become what i wanted in 5 yrs time, and they have a job but it requires me to do lots of calculations.

i told him "as u can see, although i hated maths but i got an A for media maths during my studies. i hate maths but it doesnt mean i cannot do calculations. as long as the job requires me to do simple maths thats it, i can do it. its not that u always get to do something that u only like, isnt it? thats something i have to face and bear." (ok whatever dell.)

i knew, i got really confused with what i want to do, and the more they talk to me, the more amazed they get. i even said that im a very complicated person soon after the director asked "i really want to know whats inside your mind". oh what the hell.

then the lady asked "how do u know that ur very complicated?"
(DUH!! what a question!)

"i know myself very well."

the director even wanted to interview my 2 elder sis when i told him that we sisters never argue. maybe ive been arguing with them during the whole inteview session, or maybe i was only babbling and making fun of myself there. i dunno, really.

then he said to his colleague "i dah takut nak cakap dgn budak ni, she's very strong!" (oh yea whatever uncle.)

i cant recall everything they asked. then its been exactly one friggin hour when the director asked me "so do u have any questions?"

I said "yeah, how did i do?"

"if ur not interesting enough, i wudve cut the interview 30 minutes ago."

i said "OK".

then annie let me go. she said they will inform me whether it wud be a good news or a bad news. and on that moment, i cudnt really hear what she was saying. i lost my focus. my eyes were all watery gila nak mampus. i almost burst in tears in front of those people :(

i cried as soon as i stepped out from the office. i was fuckin stressed and it was one helluva stressful interview ive ever had :(

and to make things worse, i had to go to another interview at 8pm. i was already at the office in damansara intan, but i didnt meet the manager. the office was really the dodgy. malas lah. and i already had terrible headache at that particular moment. :(

and i didnt meet shahrul yesterday. gotta meet him tonite or else i wont be seeing him for months as he'll be leaving for UK tomorrow and get his ass back to brisbane rite after.

oh yea. went to see doc this afternoon. had another blood test. cant wait to get the result this monday :( takot!

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two more interviews today. fingers crossed, again.
and im supposed to meet shahrul this evening.
and esok kerja as usual.
damn! oh.
this week's gonna be the last week for my study years.
goodbye me luvly campus :(

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writers block.
nah, i really have nothing to write.
thats all.
i want to change the layout though.
dah boring.
same old boring layout.
revamp!

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ive been having terrible, massive headache since new year's eve. i wonder whats happening to me now. never been like disss... shiteness.
last nite was the worst of all. felt like i was in a sampan, in the middle of a huge ocean, sampan pusing2. had to swallow mom's medicine for pening. damn!
if it keeps on going for few more days, thats it. to the specialist i go :(

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another interview today. with a gay. oh heard he's a nice guy. all gays are nice wot?
hope i wont screw things up.
leon here i come! fingers crossed.........!~

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be careful of what u wish for.
kadang-kadang kita dah ada semua,
cukup sifat,
cukup syarat,
cukup sempurna,
cukup duit,
cukup waras,
cukup segalanya.
tapi kita selalu rasa
kita tak pernah cukup dengan apa yang ada
itulah manusia.

kita jugak selalu terlupa
kita tak pernah cukup amalan
tak pernah cukup ingatan kita kat tuhan
tak pernah cukup sebut nama tuhan
semua tu kita selalu lupa

mungkin kita selalu lupa
kebahagiaan dunia tak menjanjikan kebahagiaan akhirat.
sibuk cari duit
sibuk cari harta
sibuk cari boyfriend
sibuk cari material wife
tapi sentiasa tak ada masa nak bersama dengan tuhan
padahal
tuhan menjanjikan eternal happiness
kita selalu lupa
tuhan maha kuasa
tuhan maha kaya
tuhan maha penyayang
dan tuhan maha pemurah

semua rezeki adalah milik tuhan
tuhan pinjamkan sedikit zatnya utk manusia rasa nikmat hidup di dunia
mungkin hari ni kita kaya
mungkin hari ni kita selesa dan bahagia
mungkin hari ni kita gembira
tapi pernah tak kita terfikir
kalau tuhan tarik nikmat?
kalau tuhan nak uji umat?
sekelip mata
hilang semua.

dalila, bawak2 la sedar diri ok? sekadar memberi peringatan kepada diri sendiri.

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ill be twenty-fukin-four this year.
2-4-on-2-0-0-6.
damn! ancient gila oke.
haih.
semalam tak pegi mana.
tengok fireworks kat ikano dari bilik mak je.
malas nak kuar.
merajuk.
hehe.

hari ni ada good news. first day of 2006 dah ada good news. yeay for me!
check student financial kiosk tadi.
rupanya tuition fees utk sem ni dah terbayar.
tima kasih jpa.
walaupun jpa ckp tanak bayar sem ni, diorang tetap bayar.
muah sebijik utk jpa!
bela lah anak bangsa melayu mu!
wheeeeee!!

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